All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
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