Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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