My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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