Midget sex pt 2 tonight
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
