One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
