I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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