her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
