My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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