I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
