she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
