omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
