plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
