i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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