Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
