Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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