If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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