I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
