Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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