we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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