Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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