I'm drive I can fine osifer
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
