I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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