I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
