It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
