I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
