what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
