That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
