Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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