id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
