i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Randomize
