Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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