Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
