If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
