dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
