Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
