I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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