Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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