Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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