dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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