she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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