i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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