I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
