i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
