my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
