I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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