Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
