let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm both gender and math confused
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
