Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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