let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
