Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
